At first it is euphoric;

The feeling of being completely alone.

You jump on the bed

Eat crackers in it

Hog the entire thing

Leave it unmade for a day

Or three.


Then years go by

You’ve done everything alone

For years.


You begin to think there is something wrong with you

That maybe you aren’t quite the person everyone says

That you aren’t enough of a person

To be loved.

Maybe you are just a little too broken

Your brain starts to tell you things

That may or may not be true.


People will tell you

“Be happy alone”

As if you haven’t been

Thousands of times

Doing everything imaginable

With nobody.


One day while driving along

A quiet dirt road

I turned up the radio

Sang along with a Kutless song

Pulled over to the side of the road

Closed my eyes

And prayed to God

I didn’t have to live the rest of my life